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Confident with them.I practiced drawing and shooting my Peacemaker with and without gloves. I was a fraction quicker without them, but had taught myself long ago how to manage when wearing canvas on my hands.I didn’t bother to practice with my scattergun. I knew how to pull the triggers, and I knew what damage would be done. With or without aiming.Then I changed my mind. I went through a physical drill with my 8-gauge that I’d imagined myself doing in an emergency situation. It was different way of thinking — challenging — but it was better to know my capabilities than not. And my liabilities.And the downside was immediately apparent. My first practice shot was wildly off. And I almost broke my thumb. My hand felt like I’d torn something inside.Cayuse watched closely, then made an upside-down motion with his hand.I shook my hand to work out the pain and nodded, “Next time.”Since I’d had that Butte history lesson from Molly, Cayuse and I took to riding north every once in a while,. I spent most of the time in the bed being comforted by Pippa, with her arms around me, saying "It doesn't matter Dewey, just having you here and holding you is enough for me."But it wasn't enough for me!She explained that the stress, and the amount of injections we had been given prior to the deployment, with all the unknown reactions possible, had affected my metabolism (as a matter of fact I read later that a lot of returnees suffered the same symptoms so I didn't feel so bad ... then). At the time I was suicidal to think I had become impotent - every man's worst nightmare had come true. Damn it! I wasn't even 27 years old yet.There was also an air about Pippa that I couldn't quite make out. I knew she was now a Ph.D., and this would have changed her status at the charity, but it was something other than that.After 3 or 4 days at home with Pippa, with me still not able to do the business, I went up to Plaistow for the rest of the leave to see Miriam and my mother. This time when I.
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